Wednesday, October 28, 2009

And so the story goes...

I realised, while taking my bath earlier, how much I've missed blogging. I miss sitting in front of my laptop, typing away without the need to refer to a press release or someone's corporate website. I forgot when was the last time I could type freely and express my thoughts without having to put much effort into thinking per se. In an odd kinda way, I actually miss logging into blogger and seeing the all too familiar template which has, over the years, become my writing haven. Oh yes, and I miss ranting - like what I've done for the past 3 minutes.

Ironically, what has kept me away from writing is writing itself - my work. When Spiderman said that 'with great power, comes great responsibility', I think he forgot to mention the great amount of stress as well. My job, as glamorous and fun as it seems, is mentally challenging and very difficult. Imagine having to type article after article, not knowing when the end point is, and knowing that no one really cares about a seemingly trivial matter like writer's block. Sometimes, I don't know why I do what I do. Most of the time, I manage to convince myself that I love my job, and that I live on the challenges and freedom which is hard to find anywhere else. At the end of the day, there're only two sides to a coin no matter how many times you toss it - I'll either be the biggest loser, or a worthy artist of my craft. I've decided that I will take my chances.

The other big gamble of my life is getting married. Not that it's a big risk to marry a person like Hil, but rather, taking that leap of faith in God and in the person He had blessed me with, to say that hey, I'm no longer in control of my life and that at the same time, I've been given control of someone else's life - that's deep shit (as in deep ideologies, not deep shit-shit).

Going through the Marriage Preparation Course - we're into week 2 - has been exhilarating, if that's the right word to use. Not sure if that's even intentional, but I find myself learning more about myself - than anything else. Like for example, I learnt today, how judgemental, inflexible and indifferent I can be. I mean, I knew these things before, but it's coming to the awareness that someone knows these things about me, but chooses to love me anyway - it just made me more convinced of how real God is, since unconditional love like this can never be humanly possible.

And while all this talk about true love and marriage is setting a mould in me, it's sad that the trashy tv programmes and movies we watch portray nothing of this agape love. Unfortunately, I've kickstarted my chase for season 5 of Grey's. It's tragic because I find it so hard to say no, despite knowing consciously how absolutely trashy the show can be. Drama series look real; it's their job to be that way. But there's certainly a clear distinction between fiction and reality. In self-defence, I say that a small amount of trash can be good for the system, as long as you don't turn into trash yourself.

To balance my yin and yang, I've also been doing something a little more intellectual. It's called weffriddles and if you haven't heard of it (where have you been??), it's a series of online puzzles to work your brain juice. It's fun, challenging, intellectual, frustrating, and mind-boggling all in the same breath. Aiyah, just click on the link and get hooked with me.

I guess this is the point where I've satisfied my need to blabber and my head's starting to get fuzzy and I seriously need to sleep. So yea, the story of my life continues. Good night world.

Posted by Jo at 12:17 AM