Sunday, March 01, 2009
I'm a nobody
It took a difficult episode for me to realise how utterly stubborn I can be at times. Whenever something happens, I fail to think about what I did wrong and what I could've done better. Instead, I choose to see the faults in others and focus on why they'd behave this way.It is, therefore, not easy for me to admit my mistakes. It takes a lot out of me in order to say two very simple words - "I'm sorry", swallow my pride, and make the conscious effort to sincerely want to lay the issue to rest. I wouldn't have been able to do all that without first praying and asking for strength and humility.
After that's all said and done, finally, all I'd feel is a sense of emptiness. But not the type which leaves you feeling like a loser, dejected and ashamed. It's the kind which leaves you feeling totally exhausted, deflated...and all you have left to ask is: what now?
And the single most amazing thing is, God always provides the answer to that question.
Nobody wants to be a nobody, and that's precisely what He is asking me to be. He is asking me to be an empty cup; a shapeless piece of clay; a blank canvas. Because when I'm a nobody, He can make me Somebody - not the person which I see myself becoming, but what He wants me to become.
This picture came to mind because it reminded me that at my moment of emptiness, He was the one holding a nobody.
