Monday, March 23, 2009
An illogical faith
Over the weekend, I was at a church camp where I was asked to help out with a session for the outpouring of the Holy Spirit. Before the session started, I sat at the back of the hall, feeling nervous and completely inadequate about the task at hand. Apart from feeling that I wasn't good enough for the job, I simply couldn't get past the mental barrier of how it's even logically possible for someone to be anointed with the Holy Spirit in such a visual and physical display.
Somehow, I managed to psych myself up for it, telling myself that I'm just an instrument and that it's ok to look stupid because if nothing happens, it's not my 'reputation' at stake here, but God's.
So during the outpouring, I went around praying for the teens, some of whom rested in the Spirit while others burst into tears. One even cried and laughed at the same time - while resting in the Spirit.
But believe it or not (pun unintended), in the midst of all the miracles that were taking place in the room, I still had the cheek to question God and entertain the possibility that these teens could be faking it. Yes, I was a mere instrument with whom God was using to administer to these teens, but nevertheless, to me, how some of these 'miracles' happened could still be explained in a very logical manner.
After the praying was done, I sat in the corner of the hall and thought back on what had happened, and the thing is, nothing made sense to me anymore. Well, I still think that some of these acts may have been fake, but at the same time, I cannot discount the fact that many of the acts were unexplainable.
And because some things could not be explained logically and scientifically, I had no choice but to marvel at how awesome God truly is.
I don't say that with a tone of despondency, or like I'm out to prove a point and failed. The fact of the matter is that I did question my own faith, and the beauty of it is that God actually went out of His way, bowed to my level, defied logic and showed me in a logical way that miracles really do happen - that He is as real as it gets. He's so real that He even allowed me, for a brief moment, to experience the load of the brokenness which the teens were carrying; the unspoken pain, the countless sins, and the silent cry for help which they need. And by that, He had opened my eyes and my heart to a new dimension of love which I previously didn't know I was capable of giving.
And just as I was searching for a bible passage to affirm my reflections, this perfectly apt chapter in Hebrews is a beautiful summary of the illogical faith that we're called to possess, and all I can say to that is, wow.
"Only faith can guarantee the blessings that we hope for, or prove the existence of realities that are unseen. It is for their faith that our ancestors are acknowledged.
It is by faith that we understand that the ages were created by a word from God, so that from the invisible, the visible world came to be.
It was because of his faith that Abel offered God a better sacrifice than Cain, and for that he was acknowledged as upright when God himself made acknowledgement of his offerings. Though he is dead, he still speaks by faith.
It was because of his faith that Enoch was taken up and did not experience death: he was no more, because God took him; because before his assumption he was acknowledged to have pleased God. Now it is impossible to please God without faith, since anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and rewards those who seek him.
It was through his faith that Noah, when he had been warned by God of something that had never been seen before, took care to build an ark to save his family. His faith was a judgement on the world, and he was able to claim the uprightness which comes from faith.
It was by faith that Abraham obeyed the call to set out for a country that was the inheritance given to him and his descendants, and that he set out without knowing where he was going. By faith he sojourned in the Promised Land as though it were not his, living in tents with Isaac and Jacob, who were heirs with him of the same promise. He looked forward to the well-founded city, designed and built by God.
It was equally by faith that Sarah, in spite of being past the age, was made able to conceive, because she believed that he who had made the promise was faithful to it. Because of this, there came from one man, and one who already had the mark of death on him, descendants as numerous as the stars of heaven and the grains of sand on the seashore which cannot be counted.
It was by faith that Abraham, when put to the test, offered up Isaac. He offered to sacrifice his only son even though he had yet to receive what had been promised.
It was by faith that this same Isaac gave his blessing to Jacob and Esau for the still distant future. By faith Jacob, when he was dying, blessed each of Joseph's sons, bowed his reverence, as he leaned on his staff. It was by faith that, when he was about to die, Joseph mentioned the Exodus of the Israelites and gave instructions about his own remains.
It was by faith that Moses, when he was born, was kept hidden by his parents for three months, because they saw that he was a fine child; they were not afraid of the royal edict. It was by faith that, when he was grown up, Moses refused to be known as the son of Pharaoh's daughter and chose to be ill-treated in company with God's people rather than enjoy the transitory pleasures of sin...
What more shall I say? There is no time for me to give an account of Gideon, Barak, Samson, Jephthah, or of David, Samuel and the prophets. These were men who through faith conquered kingdoms, did what was upright and earned the promises...These all won acknowledgement through their faith, but they did not receive what was promised, since God had made provision for us to have something better, and they were not to reach perfection except with us."- Hebrews 11
Posted by Jo at 11:57 PM
