Thursday, August 31, 2006

I feel it

You know, there's something magical about the rain that makes me ponder. Maybe it's the coolness of the air, maybe it's the raindrops, maybe it's the warm & fuzzy feeling from the jacket I'm wearing. Walking down Orchard Road puts me in the Christmas mood. Can you make it come faster?

You know, I like my job, but I'm not sure if I'll ever love it. Well, at least I have things to keep me busy these days. It's a weird sort of satisfaction, although I still don't seem to find that security which I had earlier expected. Funny thing is, lately, I've even found friendships in the most unlikely people. So ironic, considering how much I've been trying to shun them initially. Your sense of humour never fails to baffle me.

You know, something that Hady said struck me yesterday. Finding the balance between over-confidence and plain confidence is never easy. Where is the grey area that we all seek but can't seem to find? It feels good to be so sure of myself, but...sigh.

You know, it can feel lonely even though I'm surrounded by so many people. Sometimes, it's difficult to find the words to say. Talk is cheap, and it can be so hypocritical. Can I simply not talk to people when I don't want to? It just doesn't make sense.

You know, every morning, I walk pass an old lady selling tissue paper. My heart aches every time I see her, but yet I do nothing about it. I want to buy some tissue from her, but I fear that I'm doing it only to gratify my guilt. I fear that people will look at me when I stop for her. I fear that I'll be another two minutes late for work. I'm sorry for not loving you enough.

You know, I went to see the doc yesterday. My eye is still red. Pls make it go away...

You know, this week has been hectic. Not bad-hectic. It's weird-hectic. Filled with good moments, stressful moments, regretful moments, sad moments, fulfilling moments. While I was walking home yesterday, I thought about you, and I wondered where you were. I guess it turned out to be a good thing after all.

You know, I sat in the bus tonight, enjoying the cool evening breeze and listening to Garth Brooks on my mp3. And it was like, "Of course you know"...even though I wasn't talking to you, even though I didn't bother, even though I had other priorities.

And you know, I thank you for the reminder once again, just when a tear was forming in my eye. Thank you for giving me the desire to talk again. Thank you for making me feel your love.

Amen.

"When the rain is blowing in your face
And the whole world is on your case
I could offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love

When the evening shadows and the stars appear
And there is no one to dry your tears
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love

I know you haven't made your mind up yet
But I would never do you wrong
I've known it from the moment that we met
There's no doubt in my mind where you belong

I'd go hungry, I'd go black and blue
I'd go crawling down the avenue
There ain't nothing that I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love

The storms are raging on rolling sea
And on the highway of regret
The winds of change are blowing wild and free
You ain't seen nothing like me yet

There ain't nothin' that I wouldn't do
Go to the ends of the earth for you
Make you happy make your dreams come true
To make you feel my love."

Posted by Jo at 11:37 PM