Thursday, March 30, 2006

Safe in a crazy world

This is the story of my pathetic life…

I have this thing called "a job". It wasn’t the best one in the world, but well, at least I have one. In 12 days' time, I wouldn’t have any at all, because three weeks ago, I made the decision to give it away. It was supposed to be an exchange for a "better future" but somehow, things backfired in my face, leaving me charred and black as soot.

In times like these, the most natural thing to do is to feel despair. For the last few weeks, I felt that, and much worse. I ate, slept and dreamt about how stupid I was, making such a harsh and irrational decision. I prayed the same prayer every night, for God to take me out of my misery. I avoided the topic among friends, because I felt too embarrassed to talk about it. I was constantly frustrated with myself and with the people around me. I even delayed telling my parents the bad news for fear that they may see me as a big disappointment. A thought crossed my mind - To withdraw my resignation, but I couldn't bring myself to do it, because I had too much of pride...

Hmmm...seems like things aren't so bad after all. I received calls for interviews. I went, came back, waited...No response. I went, came back, waited...No response. As I fast approach the mouth of the tunnel, all I saw was darkness ahead of me.

Funnily, I have never found myself drifting from God. On the contrary, I held on ever so tightly to Him. Fact is, if I hadn't drawn strength from Him, I wouldn't have possibly make it through this ordeal.

One morning, a few days ago, I woke up - Literally and metaphorically. For some strange reason, the heaviness in my heart has disappeared. And for the first time in a long time, I felt a familiar peace within me (The kind that the world cannot give). It was then, that I was affirmed of God's love for me. It was also then that I knew what needed to be done. I needed to sort my life out...

(Stay tuned for Part 2 of "Safe in a crazy world". Sorry lar guys, me tired already. Good night!)

Posted by Jo at 9:56 PM