Monday, October 31, 2005
Same old brand new me
Hello keyboard...Hello blogger...Hello all...
I actually miss blogging. I miss talking crap and writing about life. I miss thinking out loud and recording the significant parts of my days...I've been typing and deleting, typing and deleting, typing and deleting...which explains why I haven't blogged in a while. I have so much to say but somehow can't find the words to say. I have so many thoughts, so many emotions, but I can't describe it...I'm inspiration-less.
Life is not pretty. It's anything but pretty. During a Sat's session, I remember telling everyone to remove their masks, look deep inside, find their real self. I find myself asking the same questions. What am I really like inside? What masks am I wearing? This makes it even harder to blog because I don't want to be a superficial mighty Jo. I want to be real. Real mighty Jo.
People always say it is easy, but the fact of the matter is that it's not. How do you live in a secular world and not succumb to its temptations? When do you draw the line between materialism and Christ-centredness? What makes you you? Is it really wrong to indulge in what the world offers?
I was out shopping yesterday - A first time in a long time. Bought a little black dress, a belt...and a necklace which costs $24.90. But the moment I stepped out of the shop, I was immediately made to feel like I shouldn't have bought the necklace. That feeling was horrid. In the back of my mind, I really liked that necklace and even till now, I don't regret buying it.
It really is tough. I try so hard to be myself, but what am I really about? I hate it that I don't have excess to spend. I hate it that I'm living in a superficial world. I hate it that I'm condemned for trying to fit in.
After all, I'm only human. I may look different, but I definitely am still the same...inside.
Posted by Jo at 12:38 PM
