Wednesday, April 21, 2004
I feel weird...
It's irony how bright and colourful my blog is, when deep inside me, all seems bleak. Perhaps it's a frantic attempt to make myself feel better. Or perhaps I'm simply trying to cover up all the weird feelings inside of me.
I feel like Peter. Taking that bold step out of the boat, to walk on water. And suddenly, when the wind blows, I lose my faith in the Man. The Man whom I have dedicated so much of my time to. The Man whom I claim to love and trust. The Man who, time and time again, had showed me how real He is in my life.
Sometimes, I feel like a hypocrite. Maybe things are moving so fast that I can't adapt. Maybe I'm so comfortable with the things I'm doing that I forget why I'm doing it. Whatever it is, coming to a realization of how fake I may have been makes me feel weird.
Weird - That's the exact word to describe how I'm feeling, because even though I'm so lost and demoralised and tired, I can't bring myself to give up on Him. Not now, not ever. It's a love-hate relationship. I love Him so much, yet I hate what I have to go through, for Him.
Lord, pls show me the light at the end of this tunnel...soon.
Posted by Jo at 6:12 PM
